The Mazoku Gameshow
by Unearthly Emperor
Summary: On the run for property damage, Lina makes an agreement with Xellos. He'll pay if she, Zelgadis, Gourry and Amelia play a game with him. Too bad they never asked what kind of game he meant. Completed
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: 

Slayers haven't, aren't and will _never _belong to me. If it did, the world would be in worse trouble than it already is. I don't own the set of "The Weakest Link" either. If any part of this story offends, annoys or irks you, don't bother suing me! 

I already asked Winona if I could borrow her lawyers and she said no. This isn't necessarily the Slayers playing The Weakest Link. This is more of a spoof of Game shows in general. 

This is AU every now and then, mild swearing, perverted cracks, cheap shots at Lina's chest size and frequent Xellos bashing. 

Look for possible cameos from my other story. Every character is free for teasing in here. Anime babes appearing, mace throwing, tempers flaring and sexual innuendoes. 

Oh well, you have been warned. Don't complain when you read and end up not liking it. In the event that does happen, say so! In your review! 

Unless there's a serious, valid reason for your dislike of the story, your comment will be appreciated, but ignored. 

I'd like to apologize for how long the update on the fairy tale is taking! Don't worry! It's coming soon! Put your complaints and comments in your review, or e-mail them to: [UnearthlyEmpire@hotmail.com][1]. 

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The Slayers knew they shouldn't have agreed to play a game with Xellos, but after Lina, Gourry and Amelia ran the lunch bill up so high it left Zelgadis broke, He offered to pick up the rest of the tab; on one condition. So while Lina and Gourry fought each other for the last Spring roll, Amelia tried to reason with the angry Chimera. "Please Zelgadis-san?" She pleaded. "No! You and I know better than to trust him!" Zelgadis growled. "But, Zelgadis-san." Amelia whimpered. 

She looked over her shoulder at the restaurant owner who stood a few feet away, an evil gleam in his eye. "Its mine!" Lina howled, holding Gourry off with two salad forks. "You got the last piece of Lasagna _last_ night!" Gourry argued. 

He knocked one of the forks out of Lina's hands. "When are you going to realize no matter how much you eat, your chest isn't going to get any bigger?" All activity at the table ceased. Amelia and Zelgadis stared at Gourry in horror; Xellos sat calmly sipping his tea.

Lina Inverse's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Zelgadis and Amelia barely had time to duck before Lina launched her trademark spell at the swordsman. "_FIREBALL_!" She screamed. When the smoke cleared one wall of the restaurant was obliterated, as well as the swordsman. "LINA!" Zelgadis and Amelia yelled. 

Lina sweat-dropped and laughed nervously. "Hehehe…Oops?" "My-my-my-my restaurant!" The Owner sputtered. He glared at Lina, Amelia and Zelgadis, before the trio ran away as fast as possible. "Maybe-we-should-take-Xellos-san's-offer!" Amelia huffed. "We'll _have_ to _now_!" Zelgadis snapped. "Just keep running!" Lina yelled. 

Gourry wasn't far behind, still charred from Lina's spell. He had the Owner following him, a frying pan in one hand. "Liiinnnaaa!" He cried. "My my! All this for a spring roll." Xellos remarked, watching the chase from a nearby roof. Lina ducked inside an alley, dragging Amelia, Zelgadis and Gourry along. 

They tried to catch their breath, while keeping watch for the owner. "How bad could it be?" Lina gasped. Zelgadis glared at her. "Think about it, Lina!" He snapped. "He's gotten us turned into dolls, given us false clues-" "Saved you from death by frying pan." Xellos added, appearing before the group. "You should thank Xellos-sama, Lina Inverse!" Martina exclaimed, from her spot beside Xellos. 

Amelia tilted her head to the side. "Martina-san? Have you been following us again?" Martina sweat-dropped. "N-n-no! Of course not! I live only to get revenge on Lina Inverse!" The former princess raged. Xellos looked down at Martina and frowned. 

"Martina-san, if you and Lina-san can't get along, you can't play." Xellos said firmly. "Yes Xellos-sama!" Martina replied. "So we _are_ playing?" Gourry asked, glancing at Lina. "Say no! Say no!" Zelgadis begged. Lina scratched her head thoughtfully. "We don't have any other choice." She replied. Xellos smiled cheerfully as Zel hung his head in defeat. Lina patted his arm. "Don't worry, Zel!" "What game are we playing, Xellos-san?" Amelia asked. 

Xellos sighed briefly before cocking an eye open and wagging a finger at everyone. "Sore wa himitsu desu!" Lina hoped she didn't live to regret this. Zelgadis started to sob, realizing once again, Lina was putting their lives in Xellos's hands. 

Gourry looked confused. He lost the point of the conversation long ago. "Zelgadis-san! Its okay! Don't cry!" Amelia tried consoling the chimera. "You're lucky we gave that Restaurant Owner wrong directions!" Martina said haughtily. 

Lina rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Knock it off, Martina." Lina replied. Martina got into Lina's face. "Listen up Lina Inverse! I am going to beat you at this game and when I do, you will feel the awesome and terrifying power of Lord Zomelgustav!" She exclaimed. 

Lina looked unimpressed as she wiped a bit of spittle off her face. "We'll just wait and see." Lina said calmly. "What's Zelgadis crying about?" Gourry asked. Amelia glanced at him and sighed. "Is everyone ready to play?" Xellos asked. Lina figured it was now or never and she nodded. 

"Yeah, we're ready." "You'll like this game, Lina-san!" The mazoku smiled. Zelgadis grabbed Gourry's shirt. "Make her say no! Make her say no!" He begged. "Zelgadis-san! Its too late!" Amelia exclaimed. 

"Lina-san already said yes." "We're ready Xellos-sama!" Martina called. _"Prepare to meet your doom Lina Inverse!"_ She thought grimly. Lina glanced at Martina and sighed. The girl was a real Looney. Xellos raised his staff and uttered a spell. No one really noticed anything had happened till a black vortex opened near Amelia and began to pull her into it. 

"Liinnaaa-saaan!" Amelia cried as she disappeared. "Amelia!" Lina yelled. The hole grew larger, sucking trash and boxes from the alley inside. Martina flew past, heading toward the hole. "IIIEEEEE!!" She screamed. "Gourry! Come on!" Lina shouted, grabbing Gourry by the hair and jumping into the vortex. 

Gourry's eyes bulged out of his head as his face was pressed up against Lina's chest. "GYAAAHHH!!" Gourry yelled as they spiraled into the black void. Xellos nonchalantly kicked Zelgadis into the vortex, and smiled as it shrank and disappeared. He teleported, thinking of all the fun he was sure to have with Lina-san and her friends.

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The stage lights flashed on, revealing the set of The Weakest Link. Standing on a pedestal in the middle of the stage was Xellos Metallium. He was wearing a black tuxedo and a pair of small black spectacles. He smiled as the crowd cheered loudly, happy to see their favorite mazoku. 

"Welcome to The Mazoku Gameshow!" Xellos exclaimed and the crowd roared louder. Xellos brushed some invisible dust of his suit, smiling. "Let's meet today's team!" A light flashed on above a pedestal diagonal to the one Xellos was situated at. 

It turned out to be a confused looking Lina Inverse, who blinked at the sudden brightness. "Xellos! What the hell is going on?" She demanded. As soon as she spoke, a barrage of spitballs hit her in the face. Xellos wagged a finger at the stunned sorceress. "Sorry Lina-san, but there will be no swearing in today's game!" He waved to the side of the stage where a group of six, eight to eleven year olds stood, paper, water and straws handy. 

The kids waved back happily. Lina shot the mazoku a dirty look as she wiped the wet bits of paper off her face. Xellos snapped his fingers as another light flashed on to the left of Lina. Zelgadis yelled, clapping a hand over his eyes. "My eyes!" He cried. "Xellos!" The chimera growled once the black spots disappeared. Xellos looked upward and flashed his spotlight technicians' thumbs up. 

Zelgadis leaned over and whispered: "Who's he talking to?" Lina shrugged. "No idea." "I love you Zelgadis!" A woman in the audience screamed. Zelgadis and Lina exchanged a fearful look. Whoever or _what_ever was in audience knew who they were. "Our next contestant, Martina! Former Princess of Zoana!" Xellos announced cheerfully. He figured he might as well present everyone since neither Lina nor Zelgadis picked up that they were supposed to introduce themselves. Martina's pedestal lit up, and there stood Martina, smiling arrogantly. "Hahaha!" She laughed. "I shall beat you once and for all Lina!" Lina bristled, her head getting very large as she yelled at Martina to shut up.

"With the power of Zomelgustav I will win this game!" Martina cried. "You made him up!" Lina shouted. "Prepare yourself Lina Inverse!" The princess hissed. Zelgadis's head caught on fire as he glared at Xellos. The damned monster put him in between Lina and Martina on purpose. "You twisted bastard!" Zelgadis growled. Almost immediately several spitballs hit the Chimera. 

Inside Xellos was jumping up and down with glee. This was turning out better than he thought. "Wha- wha-What the hell is this?" Zelgadis raged, and immediately more spitballs hit his face. Xellos smiled happily. "Did Lina-san forget to mention there's no swearing in this game?" Zelgadis's face turned redder and just, as he was about to throw a rather powerful Elmekia Lance at Xellos, the next pedestal lit up. "There's no magic allowed either!" Xellos chimed.

"Gourry?" Lina, Martina and Zelgadis said at once. Instead of his usual blue armor and clothing, the blonde swordsman was dressed in nothing but a pair of red Abercrombie& Fitch boxer shorts and a Santa hat. Xellos started to laugh hysterically, and ended up holding his stomach in pain. It hurt like hell, but damn! It was worth it! "G-G-Gourry!" Lina stammered, going red in the face. "WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?" "I don't know!" Gourry cried. 

He blushing furiously and trying his best to hunch down behind his pedestal. Zelgadis and Martina were speechless. (Martina? Speechless? Hell froze over that quickly?) "Lina-san! Zelgadis-san!" A perky voice floated up to the stage. Amelia ran up, Gourry's clothes bundled in her arms. 

Princess Amelia Wil Tessla of Seyruun clambered onto the stage; oblivious to the weird looks she was receiving. "Lina-san! Someone kidnapped Gourry!" Amelia cried. "They kidnapped him totally nude!" "Amelia." Lina said calmly.   
"Considering how really _weird_ it is to kidnap someone and leave all their _clothes_ behind." The pint-sized princess continued. "Amelia!" Lina tried a bit louder. "Poor Gourry-san! He could be tied up, cold and without a stitch of clothing!" Amelia exclaimed. "AMELIA! HE'S RIGHT HERE!" Lina shouted. 

"Huh?" Amelia looked at Gourry and blinked. Gourry turned redder than Lina's hair, and unsuccessfully tried to duck behind his podium. It wasn't like they hadn't seen Gourry half-naked before. There was that time in the all female country, where half of the women were men in disguise. 

But those boxers Gourry was dressed in right now didn't do much for cover. Amelia turned white as a sheet and keeled over unconscious. "Amelia-san?" Xellos asked tentatively. "Dude! He killed the princess of Seyruun!" A guy in the audience exclaimed. Xellos's head shot up instantly. "N-n-nani?" 

"You killed Amelia!" A woman yelled. "GET HIM!" Another woman shouted as a large portion of the audience headed towards the stage. Xellos's eyes opened wide and he took a few steps backward. 

The mazoku's sudden panic was due to the Disney paraphernalia many of the Amelia supporters were carrying with them. Martina's eyes narrowed and she jumped in front of Xellos, holding high her Zomelgustav pendant. "Don't any of you dare lay a finger on Xellos-sama!" 

Xellos rolled his eyes and called for the nurse. Immediately, two buxom blondes in very tiny, revealing nurses uniforms walked on stage. Lina's jaw dropped to the floor. Those women had bigger chests than her _and_ Amelia. 

Zelgadis's eyes were as wide as saucepans. These were Xellos's idea of medical aid? Gourry kept staring, ignoring the chaos going on around him. He couldn't take his eyes off the two "ladies" assisting in reviving poor Amelia. _"Why can't Lina's be that big?" _Gourry thought silently.

One kneeled and waved some smelling salts under the princess's nose. "Uh…Wha-what happed?" Amelia asked waking up. "See? Amelia-san's okay!" Xellos said, turning back to the angry audience. 

"Wha-Where's Gourry-san?" Amelia exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "Right here." Lina said dully. Amelia saw the swordsman, and blinked twice to make sure she wasn't dreaming. "You can go back to your spot now, Martina-san." Said Xellos. 

"Are you sure, Xellos-sama?" Martina asked in a kawaii voice. The mazoku cringed inwardly. He continued smiling though and nodded. "Just who are those two?" Lina demanded, watching the two nurses helping Amelia to her podium. 

Xellos smiled happily. "Sore wa himitsu desu!" "They look like strippers." Zelgadis growled. "They're certified nurses too." Xellos argued. Gourry finally snapped out of his trance when the two nurses exited the stage, followed by several shouts and catcalls. "Is there one more player, Xellos-san?" Asked Amelia. Xellos nodded. "In fact, she _should_ be _arriving_-" "NAMAGOMI!" 

The scream rocked their surroundings, registering as a minor earthquake on the Richter scale. Xellos cocked his head to the side and looked to stage left, where out of the darkness a gray blur flew and smacked the Mazoku in the face. 

Lina, Martina, Gourry, Zelgadis and Amelia looked to stage left. Standing there was Filia Ul Copt. Her eyes were flashing, face was red, fangs were bared and all of it was directed at the fallen mazoku. "Where. Is. He?" She hissed. 

Lina and Zelgadis exchanged a confused look. "Who...are you looking for?" The Chimera asked cautiously. "Val!" Filia snapped, shooting Zelgadis a glare. He shrunk away, leaving Lina to deal with the enraged Ryuuzoku. 

"That-that-_Namagomi_ said he was holding Val ransom!" Filia growled. Lina glanced over to where Martina was kneeling at Xellos's side. The sorceress rubbed her temples. "Xellos-sama! Are you okay?" Martina asked, helping Xellos up. "Oneesan!" A voice called. "Filia-san!" The Dragon looked up sharply.

There in the audience sat Jillas, Gravos and on Jillas's lap, a very happy looking baby Val. "Val!" Filia cried with relief. "Good luck Oneesan!" Jillas called cheerfully. "Good luck Filia-san!" Gravos smiled. Baby Val gurgled happily and clapped his hands. The entire audience looked at the infant and "awed". Xellos tried not to gag. 

Filia let out a relieved sigh, shot the mazoku a dirty look and went to her assigned podium. "I'm watching you, Namagomi." She muttered. "Just hearing you say that sends pleasant shivers down my spine." Xellos retorted cheerfully. The others sweat-dropped, as poor Filia turned redder than Lina's hair. 

Xellos turned back to the audience smiling. "Are we ready to play?" He asked. "YES!" The audience cried. "Then get ready for round one of- The Mazoku Gameshow!" The mazoku announced, in the Slayers opinion, much too happily. "Thanks Lina." Zelgadis grumbled. "Lina, these boxers are cutting the circulation off to some vital body parts!" Gourry tried to whisper. 

Martina leaned over and glared at the redhead. "Prepare to be defeated Lina Inverse!" Amelia was calming an embarrassed Filia, who had once again reached for her mace. Up in the producer's box, three executives glared at their colleague. She blushed and laughed nervously. This was _not _going to work. 

   [1]: mailto:UnearthlyEmpire@hotmail.com



	2. Chapter Two

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The Mazoku Gameshow

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Disclaimer 

The Slayers doesn't belong to me. I wish they did but they don't. All other character cameos from anime/video game or novel are the property of their respective owners as well. Oh, and I don't own the set of "The Weakest Link" either. 

Mildly AU every now and then, mild swearing, perverted-ness, cheap shots at Lina's chest size, Anime babes appearing, mace throwing, mazoku bashing and all out weirdness. 

You have been warned. If you dislike any part of the story, how a character is portrayed or the frequent Xellos bashing, say so in your review. Unless there is serious issue for your complaint, it will be noted but ignored. 

Big hugs to Midori, Andi, Priya-chan, Sami and Mazoku-Xellos for your reviews! Thank-you so much! Send all comments to: UnearthlyEmpire@hotmail.com. Parts of this chapter are dedicated to Sammy and Possum because only they know how much fun lingerie can be!

  
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"Tonight's first game will be Truth or Dare!" Xellos said cheerfully. Truthfully, it was a bit of a struggle for him to keep a clear head. He was getting woozy off the deluge of emotions from the Slayers. "Okay Xellos, get a grip!" He told himself silently, his usual cheerful smile getting goofier and goofier. 

Lina gave him a weird look and leaned over to Zelgadis. "Is Xellos looking a little…odd?" She asked. "When doesn't he?" The Chimera snapped. "Lina-san goes first!" Xellos exclaimed. "Truth or Dare?"

Up in the censor's box, the three censors were giving Xellos a critical look. "The damn monster looks like he's high!" Censor #2 exclaimed indignantly. Censors #1 looked over at #3 and raised an eyebrow. "Our host is getting high." #1 said calmly. #3 could only blush and laugh nervously. 

Lina look nonplussed as she bravely chose "truth". "Lina, are you sure?" Gourry asked and shivered. He was getting cold being so under dressed. In the audience, Jillas was confused and had to ask what "Truth or Dare" was. 

"It's a game that human teenagers play." Gravos explained. Baby Val waved his arms happily for Filia and for Xellos. "Lina-san, just what size are your breasts?" Xellos inquired. Zelgadis's, Amelia, Gourry and Filia's jaws dropped open. Was Xellos crazy? 

Wait-What the hell were they saying? _Of course he was crazy! _Lina's eyes narrowed dangerously at Xellos. "Xellos-san, how could you ask that?" Amelia moaned. "Baka Namagomi." Filia muttered. 

Gravos covered Val's ears; although it was unlikely the infant would understand what they were talking about. "Smaller than mine!" Martina exclaimed, thrusting her own chest out proudly. Gourry and Zelgadis practiced their "duck& cover" technique…just in case.

"And yours are smaller than Amelia's!" Someone in the audience called. Martina scowled, and turned to see just whom it was who had spoken, her Zomulgustar pendent readied. Amelia turned redder than a tomato, crossing her arms over her chest. "Lina-san?" Xellos prodded. 

Lina smiled, winked at Xellos and wagged a finger at him. "Sore wa himitsu desu!" Gourry and Zelgadis breathed sighs of relief, as the audience cheered for the redheaded sorceress. Xellos blinked, Lina's answer trying to register in his increasingly fuzzy brain. 

"Next contestant!" He exclaimed. "Zelgadis-san, you'll get to take a chance at-The Monster's Wheel Of Fortune!" Xellos announced. The Slayer's jaws dropped _again_ as they saw who was pushing the gaudy, fluorescent painted wheel on stage. 

Two male body builders, wearing black Speedos brought the wheel on stage. Amelia's eyes widened and she fainted dead away; _again_. Gourry paled and quickly averted his gaze, to none other than Lina's chest. 

"GYAHH!!" Gourry cried, covering his eyes. Hearts appeared in Martina's eyes as she drooled over the men standing beside Xellos. Lina and Zelgadis could only stare blankly, until Filia's ear-splitting shriek brought them back to reality. "HEEEENNTAAAIIII!!" The Dragon-maiden screamed, covering her eyes. "Filia-san? Is there something wrong?" Xellos asked smiling. "YES THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG!" Filia shouted. Martina suddenly glomped onto one of the men and smiled. "Marry me? Please!" She pleaded. 

Xellos looked around curiously. "Filia-san, I don't see anything wrong." "You have three nearly naked men on the stage!" Filia yelled. "Amelia? Amelia!" Zelgadis was unhappily trying to awake the princess of Seyruun. 

Xellos shrugged. "I still don't see anything wrong, Filia-san." "Namagomi…" The Dragon Maiden growled. The mazoku smiled happily at Filia, noting how yummy and cute she was when pissed off. "What in the name of-" Xellos thought as he doubled over in pain. 

"I just said Filia-san was-was-was-" He couldn't bring himself to utter the word again. Xellos needed someone to slap him-_hard_. "Someone help me!" Screamed the body builder Martina was smothering. Lina shook her head sadly at the chaos around her. Unhappily knowing it was her fault they were in this, made it worse. 

Zelgadis's eyebrow was twitching dangerously. "Am I supposed to spin this damn thing or what?" He demanded an unconscious Amelia tucked under one arm. Xellos gritted his teeth against the pain and nodded. Zel stomped over to the wheel and spun it, stepping back to glare at the mazoku. 

Amelia whimpered, the first sign she was back with the living. Gourry watched, entranced, as the wheel's spinning gradually slowed. It finally stopped, with the arrow pointing at a multi-colored picture. Two men in black uniforms pulled Martina off the horrified body builder. They handcuffed the former princess and dragged her back to her podium, struggling the entire time.

"I don't think you won, Zelgadis." Gourry remarked. "Good." The chimera muttered. Xellos looked over, noticing where his wheel-of-fortune had stopped. He glanced upward, then pulled a large umbrella out of nowhere and opened it. "Zelgadis-san…" Amelia asked woozily. The stage was quiet, and each of the Slayers looked up expectantly. The Censors held their breath, fearing what kind manifestation Xellos's sick mind had conjured.

A "pfft" noise was heard, and Xellos smiled as a pair of white lace panties drifted from the blackened ceiling. "It's raining." He said calmly. The panties landed on Zelgadis's head, and instantly the Chimera lost his temper. 

He still had Amelia tucked under his arm, but the princess was staring at the panties on his head with wide, shocked eyes. Another pair of panties floated down, this pair was pink with red polka dots, followed by another pair, in a different pattern. "Un-uh-un-_underwear_?" Lina exclaimed as more lingerie began to fall. 

"WHAT?" Censor #2 raged, heading towards the window over looking the stage. "One! Help!" #3 cried, grabbing #2 around the waist to keep the censor from jumping. #1 reluctantly helped drag #2 back to their seat. "Do you see what that fruitcake is doing?" #2 raged. #1 and #3 looked at each other and sighed. 

Gourry was unsuccessfully trying to dodge the various colors of panties that were raining down, quite hard now. He was doing pretty good, until the pink, cheetah print thong landed on his head. As soon as poor Gourry saw the thong he abruptly passed out. Luckily the ever-growing pile of panties in the floor softened his fall. 

Filia's face couldn't have gotten any redder. "Jillas! Gravos!" She shouted, whipping around to face the audience. "H-h-ha-hai Oneesan?" The foxman stammered. Gravos kept his mouth shut, lest he accidentally add fuel to Filia's rage. 

"Val-sama's eyes are covered!" Jillas replied, making sure both his _and_ Gravos's hands were shielding the infant from the deluge of women's undergarments. "Hentai Namagomi…" Filia growled under her breath, flicking some panties off her tail. Zelgadis finally put Amelia down, and stomped over to glare at Xellos. "What the hell is this?" He demanded. 

"What the wheel stopped at!" The mazoku replied cheerfully. "What!" Lina, Amelia and Filia exclaimed. "Zelgadis spun the wheel and it stopped at-" Xellos frowned. Oh…damn. Xellos couldn't remember what he had named that piece of the wheel. His mind was so buzzed; all he was able to recall was that it obviously involved lingerie. Meanwhile Zelgadis struggled to remove the panties getting stuck in his hair. 

Lina groaned, letting her head bang against her podium. Amelia hid behind hers, silently pleading to Cepheid that the rain of panties would end soon. Martina could only glare. (The security guards had tied her up, chained her to her podium and gagged her while they escorted the body-builders away.) 

Xellos plucked a white lace thong out of the air and studied it, then glanced over at the fuming Dragon Maiden. "Ano…Filia-san?" He asked tentatively. "What?" Filia growled. "Do you wear happen to wear ones like these?" Xellos inquired, holding the thong aloft. Lina's head shot up and Gourry's eyes suddenly popped open.

Amelia jumped to her feet, Martina muffled something behind her gag, Zelgadis's hands dropped slowly away from his hair, and everyone else in the audience held their breath. Xellos's smile widened. "Ahh…I can see it right now…" He muttered drifting off into what the Slayers knew was a naughty fantasy about Filia. 

Quick as lightening, Filia whipped out her mace and began beating Xellos senseless. "PERVERT!" "HENTAI!" "SICKO" "NAMAGOMI!" "BAKA!" Filia accentuated each insult with a blow to the mazoku's head. "F-f-f-Filia-san?" Amelia asked tentatively. Filia stood on stage beside Xellos's host pedestal, hair in disarray, seething with rage, and her mace hanging from one hand. 

Gourry nonchalantly rushed to the side of the stage where Amelia had left his clothes and got dressed. "Is he dead?" Censor #3 asked. "I dunno…" #1 said quietly. "And the panties continue to fall." #2 muttered, watching the continual downpour of panties and thongs. 


	3. Chapter Three

Author's Note:

Let me say one thing before I get on with the usual. I've realized a lot of people here at FF.net are incredibly rude. For those of you who think you can bully an author into updating, think again. Anyone who does that obviously doesn't write him or herself or doesn't have any life outside of reading fan fiction. 

My life doesn't revolve around this story or the fairy tale, and if it's anything the past three months haven't been the easiest. I am just now getting my inspiration back, so it may be a little while before I update the fairy tale, and this chapter may possibly be rewritten. 

I'm sorry if I sound pissed off, but I felt this needed to be said. The author of a favorite story of mine has been thoroughly harassed because she hasn't updated, and I read what some of the people said to her and was shocked. For all of those who feel threatening to flame a story will make them update faster, think again. 

If you do that or have ever done that, I suggest you stay away from the FF.net community altogether. The author you do that to doesn't deserve it, and you're also depriving others of us who appreciate the work of those authors from reading great stories.

With that said, the usual stipulations for The Mazoku Game Show apply. I will NOT tolerate flames and you've been warned about what to expect from this story. If you have any problems with this you can e-mail me at: UnearthlyEmpire@hotmail.com. 

  
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The entire stage and audience watched silently, as a battered and trembling hand made its way out of the man sized crater Filia made on the stage. Xellos slowly pulled his body out of the hole, and gave the Dragoness a cheerful smile. "I'll take that as a yes." Xellos said happily. "He really enjoys this way too much." Lina muttered, watching Filia become angrier, if that was at all possible. (By now the panties had stopped falling, much to everyone's relief, although now they were ankle deep in lingerie.) 

"XELLOS!!" Filia screamed, forcing all others in the area to cover their ears. "Filia-san, you really must work on your temper." Xellos remarked, walking towards the enraged woman. "Xellos-san, do you really have to provoke her?" Amelia asked weakly. "I don't know where he put my armor." Gourry said in a small voice, standing beside Lina. "Don't worry about it now." Lina said reassuringly. "We'll… get it later."

Zelgadis and Amelia had also gathered near the redhead, neither of them willing to risk coming in between Filia and Xellos. That happened to be an instant death wish. 

They left Martina where she was, still tied up, gagged, and shooting icy glares at everyone. Xellos smiled at Amelia. "Don't worry Amelia-san." He replied confidently, adding to the princess's worry. 

"This is just _wonderful_." Zelgadis muttered, wondering when the torture was going to end. "I want to go home…" Amelia sniffed. She didn't like being witness to what went on in Xellos's mind. Lina dropped her head to her podium, mentally slapping herself. Admitting this whole idea was her fault was going to take some work. Xellos stopped in his tracks upon hearing Zelgadis's remark. "It is!" He exclaimed, whole-heartedly agreeing. "Nani!?" Lina exclaimed, her head jerking upwards to stare at Xellos in horror. "D-d-did h-h-he just _agree_!?" Amelia stammered. 

In their seats, Jillas and Gravos sat slack-jawed at the mazoku's statement. They were two more victims of Xellos's twisted mind. Luckiest of them all was Baby Val, who had fallen asleep on Jillas's lap, thumb in his mouth, oblivious to the commotion. Zelgadis's eyes were wide, as were Gourry's, wearing identical looks of shock. Poor Filia watched numbly as Xellos's smile twitched once before he keeled over, clutching his stomach. 

This game was going to be the death of him, but it was so _worth_ it! Her anger completely forgotten, Filia knelt by the mazoku's side. "Xellos you idiot! What are you thinking saying something like that?" She exclaimed. Xellos looked at Filia and smiled painfully. "I-" Why _had_ he agreed with Zelgadis? Well, that was only one of a list of several things Xellos had said and thought since his game began. 

One could only assume it was brought on by the onslaught of emotions Xellos was being subjected to, mostly from Filia. He really had no self-control when it came to her. Still, he had a game to finish, and if he remembered correctly it was Amelia's turn. Xellos's previous thought he had aimed at Filia would have to remain just that- a thought. 

"Xellos?" Filia asked warily. She really didn't like twisted smile that quickly replaced his usual cheerful expression. 

"Amelia-san! Its your turn!" Xellos cried suddenly, staggering upright. Filia jumped to her feet as Xellos lost his balance, and she helped keep him steady. "Oh thank-you Filia-san!" Xellos exclaimed. "I didn't know you cared." Filia growled, calmly dropping the mazoku to the floor. "I don't." She muttered, marching back to her podium. "Xellos-san, can't I skip this turn?" Amelia asked desperately. 

Somehow Xellos got back up, although he was using his staff for help. "Come on Amelia-san." He said smiling. "You'll _like_ this game." "No! No! No!" Amelia whimpered, burying her face in her hands. "Our only way to slow him down and he uses it too." Zelgadis sighed. "I'm going to be scarred after this." Lina was heard saying. "That goes for all of us." Gourry replied in a random moment of reflection. They watched Xellos drag the tiny princess to the middle of the stage. 

Censor#2 growled, and started down towards the stage. "Get back here!" #1 cried, grabbing the back of #2's jacket. "No! I'm putting a stop to this madness!" "Three! Help!"#1 exclaimed, being dragged along behind #2.. #3 waved cheerfully from their box seats. "Good luck, two!" #3 called. "Don't encourage this!" Both censors yelled at their comrade. #3 smiled and leaned back in her seat, producing an comic book out of nowhere and beginning to read. #2's face flamed red with rage, and #3 hung her head and sobbed. 

The poor Slayers on stage watched the censors and felt some pity for them. Xellos was really getting out of hand this time. Meanwhile, Martina continued her sentence being tied up and gagged. The glares she had been throwing at the others were completely ignored and being restrained the way she was, Martina couldn't reach her Zomelgustav pendent. Damn that Lina Inverse! Once again the princess of Zoana was going to get beaten by that small-breasted city-destroying sorceress! 

In the words of Amelia it was a complete injustice! It made Martina see red, and she was already plotting ways of getting back at that horrible Lina Inverse. "Xellos-san?" Amelia asked tentatively, looking at the priest. Xellos was staring off into space, wearing a goofy smile. "Lina-san…" The princess whimpered, pleading for her friend to help. "I don't know." Lina replied, taken off guard by Xellos's strange behavior. Usually when Xellos wanted a favor, it consisted of being caught up in some weird adventure. 

This was _far_ from weird. "Uh.. Miss Filia?" Gravos called. Filia slumped and gazed wearily back at the troll-man. "We'll be uh… taking' Lord Val home…" Jillas added, still blushing from the earlier rain of lingerie. Filia dragged a hand down her face, wishing beating Xellos with her mace could end the current madness. "Okay…" She replied, feeling slightly jealous. She was still stuck here, enduring the weird looks Xellos kept giving her. 

At the moment, Zelgadis was wearing a permanent blush, and trying very hard not to look down at the ankle deep pile of lingerie he was standing in. Lina's eyebrow twitched as the sorceress's mood continued to lower. She was trying to accept that this whole mess was her fault. Gourry, having thankfully gotten all his clothes back on, wondered what torture Xellos was going to put Amelia through and poor Amelia stared at Xellos, looking scared to death. 

Luckily for the princess, Xellos couldn't _remember_ what he had planned for Amelia. "Xellos-san?" Amelia asked tentatively. "Hehehe… Amelia-san. We'll have to continue later." Xellos replied sheepishly. "I forgot what we had planned." Amelia's eyes lit up happily. "Really?" She asked excitedly. Xellos's smile wilted as Amelia ran back to her podium, looking more than relieved. The priest didn't think she needed to look quite so happy about not getting to play. 

Oh well. Whose turn was it now? "Lina-san, Zelgadis-san, Amelia-san took a rain-check, I have something "_special"_ planned for Filia-san." Xellos mused, his genki smile returning full force. "You namagomi! Stop looking at me like that!" Filia snapped. "Will you hit me with mace-sama if I don't?" Asked Xellos, going over so he was almost nose-to-nose with the dragoness. "Yes!" She snapped. "Good!" Xellos exclaimed, walking away with a bounce in his step. 

Filia's mouth fell open. He-he-he just _asked_ for her to hit him with her mace! How dare he pervert her dear mace-sama! "Xellos…" She growled. "Oh no." Lina said calmly, ducking behind her podium. "He likes this a little too much." Remarked Zel, already in the duck and cover position, as were Gourry and Amelia. Jillas and Gravos had slipped away, Val screaming at having to leave Filia and "uncle" Xellos's game. 


	4. Chapter Four

The Mazoku Game show: Chapter 4

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All questions will be answered after the story is over. I promise. I think. Especially since I know some of you are wondering what kind of sick person I have to be to think this is funny. Well if you think this is funny, you're sick too. HYPOCRITES!!   
You know the routine with the disclaimers. I think you'll know what belongs to me and what doesn't. I'll be an old, _old_ emperor before I have enough money to buy Slayers and I'm sure when that happens the owners won't sell. 

Oh, by the way. I am a strong supporter of Xellos and Filia as a couple, so you will see a lot of that in here. (Sorry Sams!) Remember, all characters are free for bashing, and I will portray them how I see them. Don't like it? Then this isn't the story for you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gripping the podium to keep from falling down, Xellos gave his audience a wobbly smile. He was one lucky mazoku if he lived through this. "Gourry-san! Its your turn!" Xellos exclaimed, smiling cheerfully at the poor swordsman. Gourry stood up slowly, putting his hands up. "Oh, uh, that's okay Xellos…" He stammered, backing away as Xellos advanced. "C'mon Gourry-san." He coaxed. "Lina-san! Help him!" Amelia hissed. "How am I supposed to do that?" Lina demanded. "I would never tell you this, but seeing as this situation is steadily getting worse." Zelgadis began. 

He was going to regret this later, but there was no other way. "Try the Dragon Slave!" He hissed. "Xellos!" They looked up and saw Filia storm over to Xellos. "Leave Gourry-san alone!" The Dragoness ordered. "He's done nothing to you and neither has Amelia-san, Zelgadis-san or Lina-san." Xellos stood quietly listening to Filia scold him. Filia's anger always tasted _so good_. "You _want me_ to cast _the Dragon Slave_?" Lina asked incredulously. Usually they were begging her not to cast it. "You're sure?" She asked. 

Zelgadis and Amelia nodded. "Anything to get us out of here!" Zelgadis hissed. "Please Lina-san!" Amelia pleaded. Lina still looked unconvinced so Amelia tried a different approach. "Xellos-san didn't need to ask about…" She glanced at Lina's chest and raised an eyebrow. "That." Lina's eyes flashed as she remembered Xellos asking that and she clenched her fist. "Xellos…" Lina growled. "Go Lina-san!" Amelia exclaimed cheerfully. "Lina! Lina!" Zelgadis cheered as Lina's temper flared. 

"Zelgadis-san," Amelia said quietly. "We're going to get caught in the blast." "I know." Zelgadis replied miserably. Meanwhile, Filia was still trying to talk some sense into Xellos. "But its Gourry-san's turn." Xellos argued. "Xellos, he doesn't want to play. None of us do!" Filia snapped. "Fine!" The mazoku griped. "I'll leave Gourry-san alone if _you_ take his place." Xellos said smoothly. "WHAT!" Filia shouted. "Gourry! _Gourry_!" The swordsman looked down and saw Amelia and Zelgadis waving at him. He ducked and gave them weird looks. "What are you two doing?" He asked. 

"We're getting Lina to cast the Dragon Slave." Said Zelgadis and Gourry's eyes widened in horror. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!!?!" He yelled. "If we don't we'll never get out of here!" Amelia argued. She grabbed the front of Gourry's shirt and gave him a very Lina-like glare. "Do you want Xellos-san to do something unjust and possibly very, _very_ perverted to you?" She demanded. Gourry thought back to all the things Lina and Amelia had done to him, including forcing him to go on a date. Playing a game with Xellos didn't seem all that bad now that he had his clothes back on, but with that look Amelia was giving him… "No." Gourry replied in a small voice. 

"Then get down!" Zelgadis hissed, shoving Gourry's face into the floor. Meanwhile, Xellos and Filia's standoff continued. "Its very simple Filia-san." Said Xellos. "Gourry-san won't have to play if you play for him." Filia folded her arms and gave him a cynical look. The mazoku priest had failed to notice that Gourry had disappeared, along with Zelgadis and Amelia. "It's your choice, Filia-san." He said. Xellos hoped she decided to play. He had so many things planned for his "pet" dragon. "_Please Filia-san?_" Xellos pleaded, giving her as innocent a look as he could muster. He held it for half a minute before bursting into laughter. 

Him, Xellos Metallium, innocent? Now that was funny. "He's laughing." Zelgadis said numbly. "I want my daddy!" Amelia sobbed, covering her ears. "I've never seen him so happy." Gourry remarked. In his mind for how old Xellos was, he looked remarkably well for his age, and at least he was cheerful. Filia turned deathly pale and took a step backwards. The namagomi mazoku shouldn't have been laughing like that. "This has to be a nightmare." Amelia whimpered. "Trust me, Amelia." Zel grumbled. "You're wide awake." He shoved some of his cloak into his ears to muffle the sound of Xellos's laughter. "Xellos…" Lina growled, her anger making the air around her crackle and spark. 

Gourry, Zelgadis and Amelia glanced at her and wondered if maybe Xellos's game was really that bad. It certainly looked a hell of a lot less painful. "Xellos…?" Filia asked tentatively. He was hunched over holding his stomach. That bout of laughter certainly didn't feel good now. "I-I'm fine." He replied, looking at Filia with a painful smile. "Baka!" Filia scolded, once again kneeling to see if Xellos was all right. "Stupid mazoku!" She continued. "You of all people should know better than to laugh." Filia rolled her eyes, and calmly patted Xellos's back. Xellos didn't reply. He was basking in being so close to Filia and her shifting emotions, as well as the feeling of her hands on him. 

When he didn't answer Filia frowned. "Xellos?" She asked. Silence. "Xellos!" The perpetual smile on his face seemed frozen. Filia's eyes saw red and she slapped him upside the head. "STOP THAT!" She yelled, horrified and embarrassed. "_Tasogare yori mo kuraki mono,"_ Zelgadis's eyes widened. "Oh no." "Lina-san! No!" Amelia cried. "I'll play! I'll play! I'll play!" Gourry yelled. Anything to keep Lina from finishing her spell. _"Chi no nagare yori akaki mono, toki no nagare ni uzumore shi," _Xellos and Filia looked up and saw the red light forming in Lina's hands. "Lina-san! What're you doing?!" Filia exclaimed. _"Oh dear, it seems I've angered Lina-san."_ Xellos thought calmly, putting an arm around the dragoness and pulling her close. 

Lina on the other hand, had had it. Xellos has dared mock her bust size, embarrassed her, annoyed her, and blocked her from using her magic. It was a dangerous combination with the great Lina Inverse. _"Idai na nanji no na oite, ware koko ni yami ni chikawan." _Using the Dragon Slave was a last resort, but that mazoku deserved it. _"Warera ga mae ni tachi fusagari shi, subete no oroka naru mono ni,"_ "Xellos!" Filia exclaimed, seeing Lina's spell was aimed at Xellos _and_ her. "Xellos!" "Filia-san! Move!" Amelia yelled. "What the hell is he doing?" Zelgadis demanded, staring in horror as Xellos continued to hold the dragoness. Lina had forgotten Filia, Zelgadis, Gourry and Amelia and a gagged Martina were still on stage, and in the path of the spell. 

__

"Ware to nanji ga chikara mote," The Slayers could only watch as the ball of light in Lina's hands grew. This was turning out to be a very, very bad idea. "_Hitoshiku horobi o ataen koto o!" _"NOOOOO!!" Zelgadis, Amelia, Gourry shouted. Filia squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in Xellos's shoulder. The three other Slayers shut their eyes. "_DRAGON SLAVE!" _Everyone besides Lina and Xellos braced themselves, expecting the painful blast. There was a huge roar and then, and then, and then-Zelgadis cautiously opened his eyes. He was still alive, Xellos and Filia were both in one piece, and so was the stage. Lina stood at her podium, a small plume of smoke coming from her outstretched hands. 

"Oi." He nudged Amelia, who uncovered her eyes and looked around. "Thank Ceiphied we're all right!" She cried happily. "We're alive!" Gourry exclaimed, and gave Amelia a hug. She hugged him back and sniffled. "I'll see my daddy again!" Zelgadis, although not much of a celebrator himself, had to join in the group hug. He couldn't help but be glad he hadn't been hit by Lina's spell. "Filia-san." Xellos said calmly. She was still in Xellos's arms, her face hidden in his shoulder. "Filia-san!" He sang cheerfully. Filia slowly opened her eyes, and glanced cautiously around the stage. "I'm alive?" She asked in a small voice. "It… didn't work?" Lina asked in shock. 

Xellos wasn't kidding when he said her spells wouldn't work here. Not even the _Dragon Slave _had worked! She was stuck in Xellos weird game. This was almost worst than when Filia used her as a guinea pig for a new theme park during the Dark Star campaign. "Lina-san? Are you okay?" Amelia called. "Amelia," Lina began, her eyes wide. "It didn't work." Amelia sighed. "I know, Lina-san. I know." She went to comfort Lina, while Zelgadis and Gourry picked themselves up off the floor. "'I'm alive!" Filia sighed with relief and then noticed where she was. Xellos had dared to touch in such an intimate way and was still touching her!  
How dare he! "Namago-" Filia's growl was cut short by Xellos's lips descending onto to Filia's. She was enraged (and not to mention _embarrassed_!). How dare he! HOW DARE HE!! And with the way he was holding her, Filia couldn't reach her mace. The baka Namagomi was actually kissing her and… it.. was beginning to feel…_good? _Xellos pulled away and smiled at the shocked look frozen on Filia's face, and barely dodged the mace that flew at his head. "HENTAI!!" The dragoness screamed, swinging her mace at Xellos. "I didn't know Xellos felt that way about Filia." Gourry remarked. "She's a dragon! He's a mazoku!" Zelgadis exclaimed. "Is he- never mind." Zel muttered and sighed. 

Amelia was speechless. Lina shook her head. It was no use. They were stuck here until Xellos was finished kissing Filia. Wait a minute- "OH MY GOD!" Lina cried, realizing what she'd just witnessed. "HOW DARE YOU!" Filia bellowed, swinging at Xellos. "Gourry-san!" Xellos called, levitating just high enough that Filia couldn't reach him. "Its your turn!" "GET DOWN HERE NAMAGOMI!" The dragoness shouted. She seething with rage and embarrassment. Lina sighed and put her head in her arms. Was there any way to get out of this game? 


	5. Chapter Five

The Mazoku Game show: Chapter 5  
  
Look! Look! We've reached the fifth chapter and they still haven't hauled me away in a straitjacket! (I locked the computer and myself in the closet and barred the door just in case!) The usual stipulations apply, I don't own the Slayers or the "Weakest Link" set and yes. You've probably already guessed.  
This story is perverted, twisted and downright wrong! I am also a perverted, twisted and a down right wrong person to write it, but do I care? Heck no! I'm in it for the Oreos. Anyway, as we come to the final few moments of this story together, I leave you with a quote I've had stuck in my head all day:  
  
"Are you achin'? Yum yum yum!" "For some bacon?" "Yum yum yum!" "He's  
a big pig!" "Yum yum yum!" "You can be a big pig too! Hoowah!"  
"Aaaaggghhhh!!"  
  
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This was not only pissing Lina off, it was annoying her. Watching Xellos flirt with Filia was the last thing she wanted to see. Ever. A loud gargle filled the air and Zelgadis and Amelia glanced at the red-haired sorceress. "Its not me!" Lina argued, shooting a look at Gourry, but the swordsman was snoring, slouched awkwardly over his podium. "I hate this." She muttered. "Your aim must be off, Filia-san!" Xellos cried cheerfully. "XELLOS!" The scream ripped across the stage as Filia launched her mace in his direction.  
Xellos moved just in time and the mace bounced harmlessly off the blackened ceiling and crashed into the floor. He appeared beside Gourry and shook his head. "Oh well!" He flashed everyone his trademark smile. "Amelia- san! Your turn!" "Can I pass?" Amelia asked in a small voice. Xellos looked shocked she had even asked. Pass up playing his game? "Come on, Amelia- san!" He coaxed. "You haven't gotten to play yet." "That's okay, though!" Amelia exclaimed. "I-I-" She tried thinking of an excuse.  
  
"I have the word of justice to spread around the world!" It was an utterly pitiful excuse, but Xellos gave her credit for trying. "No stalling Amelia-san!" He admonished, grasping Amelia's arm and dragging the pint- sized princess towards the middle of the stage. "Zelgadis-san! Lina-san!" She whimpered. "Help!" "HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP?!!" Lina shouted. Zelgadis's ears rang from Lina's screech and he sighed. "Just play." He moaned. "The sooner we get this done with, the sooner we can leave." "Filia- san, please go back to your pedestal." Xellos commanded.  
Filia picked up her mace and glared at him. She returned to her assigned spot, but kept her icy stare on the mazoku. Xellos smiled down at Amelia and she whimpered. "What do I have to do?" She asked in a small, tearful voice. "Gourry-san needs to be woken up." He said calmly. "You want me to wake Gourry-san up?" Amelia asked. Xellos nodded cheerfully. Amelia brightened. That wasn't bad at all! "Okay!" She agreed and started towards the snoozing swordsman. Xellos put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. "What?" Amelia asked. Xellos wagged his finger down at her.  
"Amelia-san, you have to kiss Gourry-san to wake him up." Zelgadis's jaw dropped open, Lina's eyes went wide with disbelief and Filia stared at Xellos in horror. "But-but-but-" Amelia stammered. "I'VE NEVER KISSED ANYONE BEFORE!!" She wailed, her face bright red. "Even better!" Xellos exclaimed. "I can't kiss Gourry-san!" "Oh?" Xellos asked. "Why not?" "Because-because-" Amelia stuttered. "Because why?" He asked, looking down at Amelia, his smile still on his face. Amelia glanced at Lina and motioned for Xellos to lean in. Xellos inclined his ear towards the princess. "Because he's Lina-san's!" She whispered. ".." Xellos looked at Lina, Gourry, then at Amelia. "All right." He said calmly.  
Amelia gave him a hopeful look. "Really?" "Of course." Xellos smiled. "You can kiss Zelgadis-san instead!" Amelia's smile froze. Zelgadis's eyes grew huge and his mouth fell open. Lina glanced at Zelgadis and Amelia and sighed. Well, they were bound to do it sooner or later, right? Why not give them a push in the right direction? Too bad it was Xellos doing the pushing. "I have to kiss Zelgadis-san?" Amelia asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Xellos pushed her towards Zelgadis and smiled. "Well, since you obviously can't kiss Gourry-san, but if you want to kiss Lina-san or Filia-san instead-" "NO!" Amelia, Lina and Filia exclaimed. "I'll do it!" She sobbed. "I'll-I'll kiss Zelgadis-san." "Good!" Xellos cheered, gently pushing her towards Zelgadis, who was slowly starting to turn red.  
"Lina?" Amelia asked, looking at the sorceress for help. Lina smiled weakly and gave her thumbs up. Filia sighed in disgust and strode forward, and put a comforting arm around the tiny princess. "Don't worry, Amelia- san." She said calmly. "We promise we won't tell anyone." "But-" "Filia- san." Xellos said, grasping the dragoness's arm. "I must ask you to return to your spot." "Don't touch me, Namagomi!" Filia snapped, slapping his hand away. Xellos's eyes slid open and his smile twitched. "What a spoiled, selfish little dragon you are, Filia-san." He remarked and she gasped.  
Meanwhile, Lina watched as Amelia approached Zelgadis. He watched her apprehensively, his face getting steadily redder. Amelia squeezed her eyes shut, stood on tiptoes and gave Zelgadis a quick kiss on the lips. ""Spoiled? Selfish?" Filia growled. "Am I the one subjecting Amelia-san to such embarrassment?" She demanded. "No, and if you only knew how good it was." Xellos sighed contentedly. "I'm glad I don't." Filia muttered. "Don't put something down unless if you've tried it, Filia-san." He said smoothly. Amelia stepped away from the chimera and cautiously opened her eyes.  
She took one look at Zelgadis's red face and her eyes filled with tears. "I'm so sorry Zelgadis-san!" She cried. "But-but- I'm-I'm glad I had to kiss you!" Lina smiled and shook her head. Finally, maybe now Zel would admit- "Um-" Zelgadis cleared his throat. "Thanks." He muttered. Amelia looked up at him and smiled tearfully. "Your welcome Zelgadis-san!" Lina swung her gaze to Xellos and Filia and scowled. "Great, they're at it again." She griped. "No!" Zelgadis exclaimed. "He has to get us out of here!" "Then you can go interrupt them!" Lina yelled. "Gourry-san! Gourry- san, wake-up!" Amelia hissed, shaking the swordsman. "We might be out of this game soon!"  
  
One could only hope. And yet Xellos and Filia's argument continued. "You hentai!" Filia said rudely. "Besides torturing Lina-san and the others, do you ever think about anything else?" She demanded. "Only about ways I could torture you, Filia-san." Xellos replied cheerfully. Filia's face turned red and she sputtered, the insult she had readied completely forgotten. "What are you thinking?" Xellos sang, grinning at her. Filia's face slowly reddened. "You do want me!" He cried, throwing himself at Filia and hugging her. "Eh?" Filia squeaked, staring at the happy mazoku hanging on her. "Xellos?" She asked timidly.  
"I'm not asleep am I?" Lina asked. "If you are, we're having the same nightmare." Zelgadis replied. "I'm not going to be able to sleep at all when we get out of this." Amelia whimpered. Gourry awoke, and looked around the stage groggily. He saw Xellos and Filia and sighed. He never would've guessed Filia would like a guy Xellos's age, even if he did look good for it. "Xellos?" Filia asked again. "Xellos!" "Filia-san," He said weakly. She glanced at him. "Yes?" "You always taste so good." Xellos murmured. Eyebrow twitching, Filia's hand clenched and she yanked Xellos off of her and let him drop to the floor. "Listen you!" She said through clenched teeth. "I don't know what you're up to-"  
Xellos looked up from the floor and smiled. "So it seems my mind isn't the only one in the gutter, ne? Filia-san?" He asked. "PERVERT!" Filia shouted. "You keep me out of that sick, twisted excuse you call a mind!" "Filia! Stop!" Lina yelled. The dragoness grabbed her mace and glared down at Xellos. "He wants you to beat him!" Amelia cried. "Filia- san! Don't!" Filia didn't listen though and she raised the mace over her head. Lina ran at her and grabbed her around the waist. "We need to get out of here!" She exclaimed. "Don't hit him!" "Lina-san, let go!" Filia growled. "Filia! Listen!" Zelgadis had a grip on one of Filia's arms now, and Amelia hung off her other arm. "Filia-san! Please!"  
"Lina," Gourry said calmly. "Not now!" Lina exclaimed, trying to keep a hold of the angry dragoness. "Let go! All of you!" Filia raged. "Really Filia-san, if you want me so badly-" "XELLOS!" Amelia and Zel snapped. "Filia! Calm down!" "Lina." Gourry repeated. The red-haired sorceress growled and turned to face him, snarling. "WHAT?!" "There's the exit." Lina looked over and sure enough, there was a green exit sign. "That's- that's an exit!" She whispered excitedly. Xellos frowned. "Where?" He could remember checking several to make sure there wasn't anyway out of this game except through playing. Seems he hadn't checked-wait. That exit sign hadn't been there a few moments ago. Lina let go of Filia, and grasped Amelia's arm.  
"Lina-san, what are-" "We're saved!" Lina cried, pointing to the exit. Amelia's eyed widened and she started to sob. "We can go home!" She sobbed. Zelgadis, having seen Lina and Amelia's happiness, sighed. Might as well let Filia beat Xellos senseless, so he dropped his hold on Filia and went to join Lina, Amelia and Gourry. Filia, not noticing that she was free, swung her mace and hit Xellos in the face, a new crater forming in the already battered stage. "NAMAGOMI!!" She screamed. "If you ever have any more sick, disgusting thoughts about me, or if you touch me again-" Xellos crawled out of the crater and smiled painfully at Filia. "Filia- san," He began. "It's your turn." "I think not, namagomi." She said haughtily.  
Filia tucked her mace under one arm and walked off, nose in the air. Eyebrow twitching, Xellos was trying very hard to resist the urge to use Filia's mace on her. "For a spoiled, rude, selfish," He said, standing. Filia stopped. "Impolite, bad-tempered, violent," Filia hands clenched around her mace. "Self-righteous dragon." Turning slowly, Filia growled at Xellos. "I won't let anyone leave unless you play." "WHAT?" Lina, Amelia, Zelgadis and Gourry exclaimed. "I am not going to participate in this-this- debauchery!" Filia sputtered indignantly. Xellos shrugged and turned to Lina. "Lina-san, would you like to play again-" "NO!" Lina shouted.  
"Just play, Filia!" Zelgadis yelled. "But Lina-san," "No buts, Filia- san!" Amelia said firmly. "Fine! I'll play your damn game." Filia muttered. Xellos smiled and then immediately collapsed. He really had to stop this, but Filia-san's emotions always tasted so good. "Well? Let's get this over with!" She griped, lightly kicking Xellos with her foot. "If I had known you were so eager to play with me, I would've had something a little more." Xellos glanced around the stage. "Intimate." Filia's face flamed red and Xellos stood up, wagging his finger at her. "But since we're here we'll save those that for another time." "We will not." Filia hissed, glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one else had heard Xellos's remark. "What do I have to do?" 


	6. Chapter Six Conclusion

**The Mazoku GameShow**

**  
**

**Warnings: **Bad humor, mild OOC, bad innuendo

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Slayers. I made no money off of this. Don't believe me look at my empty wallet.

**A/N: **Any problems or other comments leave in your review, or send to me at (Please read note at end)

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**Chapter Six  
**

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___"Well? Let's get this over with." Filia griped. "If I had known you were so eager to play with me, I would've planned something a little more," Xellos glanced around the stage. "**Intimate**." Filia's face flamed red as he wagged a finger at her. "But since we're here we'll save that for another time." "We will not." She hissed. "Now what do I have to do?"_

___

* * *

_

Xellos (noticeably wavering) smirked and produced a pink, lace teddy from behind his back. "What's he doing now?" Censor #2 asked dully. #1 blushed. "Uh-he-he-" "He's giving Filia a teddy." #3 stated. "Oh. How nice." #2 remarked. "What-what is _that_?" Filia demanded, her face so red it was glowing. "Something I borrowed from Zelas-sama." Xellos answered cheerfully. He was dying to see if Filia would look as good in it as he imagined. "This is the _last_ time I listen to you." Zelgadis remarked, glaring at Lina.

She scowled in reply. She didn't know that _this_ was what Xellos considered _fun_. "Why does he want Filia-san to wear that?" Amelia asked, blushing. Zel and Lina glanced at the princess. Neither was willing to volunteer to explain to the innocent girl. "Oi, Lina." Gourry whispered. "What is that thing?" He asked, pointing to the teddy. Lina turned red and slapped him. "Gourry-jellyfish!" She hissed. "It's a teddy!"

"That doesn't look _like_ anything like a stuffed bear." The swordsman protested. Zel, Amelia and Lina fell over. "Gourry-san," Amelia began. Zel put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't bother." Gourry was and would always be a little slow. Nearby, Filia continued her refusal. "I am _not_ wearing that." She said firmly. "Why not?" Xellos asked, studying the teddy. "Too much lace?" Filia ground her teeth in an attempt to keep her temper in check. She absolutely _would not_ indulge the mazoku's dirty little fantasies. How dare he fantasize about her! The world would come to an end before Filia Ul Copt did anything like-like _that_ with a dirty namagomi like Xellos. "I'd ask Lina-san to wear it," He remarked. "But Lina-san is just a little too-"

"A little too _what_?" Lina demanded sweetly. Xellos's smile twitched nervously. "You can't ask Lina-san to wear _that_!" Filia exclaimed. Zel, Gourry and Amelia watched with wide eyes. This wasn't going to turn out well for anyone. "Then you'll wear it, Filia-san?" He asked hopefully. "No!" "Oh well. That leaves Amelia-san then." _"What?"_ The princess squeaked, staring at the teddy in horror. Zel made a strangled noise, blood spurted from his nose and he tumbled over. "Zelgadis-san!" Amelia cried.

She caught the chimera, unconsciously cuddling his face against her chest. "Zel?" Gourry asked. Zelgadis was lost somewhere between ecstasy and embarrassment. "But Filia-san," Xellos pouted. "Can't you imagine how nice it will look on you?" She blushed. "I don't want to imagine it and I don't want you too, either!" Xellos sighed. "Well, it's a little too late for that." His face lit up. "I could convince you." "Eh?" Filia froze."C-c-convince me?" Xellos nodded, advancing toward the dragoness.

"One thing first." He said, walking briskly to Lina. She backed away. "Lina-san, could you, Gourry-san, Amelia-san and Zelgadis-san give Filia-san and I some privacy?" Lina frowned at Xellos. "Privacy? Like getting us out of here?" Xellos smiled and nodded. "Lina-san, don't!" Filia cried. "Don't leave me alone with this namagomi!" It was a tempting offer. Gourry had somehow gotten a hold of the teddy and was trying to decipher what it was. Amelia stared at Lina with wide, frightened eyes, Zelgadis's face squashed against her ample chest.

"Lina-san…" Filia tried. What was the sorceress supposed to do? Lina didn't want to see Filia in a teddy, and she especially didn't want to see whatever Xellos had planned for the two of them. Lina sighed. This was best, for Amelia, Gourry, and Zelgadis. Maybe it would be good for Filia and Xellos to work out the obvious attraction they had for each other. (No matter how much Filia denied it) Anything to end this frightening glimpse inside Xellos's twisted,___ depraved mind._

Zelgadis's eyes fluttered, and he found himself staring straight at Amelia's breasts. "Gyah! Amelia!" "Zelgadis-san, you're all right." The princess smiled. He unwrapped the princess's arms from around his body and scooted away. "Ahem-yes. Um...thanks." He glanced at Xellos, Filia and Lina. "What's going on?" Amelia shrugged. "I don't know, but-," She gasped. "Gourry-san, put that down this instant!" Gourry dropped the teddy and blushed. "I'm just trying to figure out what it is." "It's_ underwear_." Zel snapped.

"Underwear?" Gourry repeated, glancing at the various kinds of lingerie being crushed under his feet. "Yes," Zel grumbled. "Under-wear." "But-but how would a girl wear something like that?" Gourry asked quizzically. "Gourry-san, stop being a pervert!" Amelia shrieked, ramming her fist into the man's stomach. He yelled and went flying into the darkness surrounding the stage.

"I'm sorry, Filia." The sorceress said at last. Xellos's eyes slid open, and he fairly purred Lina his thanks. "Gourry! Gourry, come on. We're going." Lina announced. Gourry didn't answer. "Oi. Gourry." Zelgadis called. "Gourry-san!" Amelia hollered. The swordsman didn't answer. Lina and Zel's gaze slid to the tiny princess. "Amelia," Lina said somewhat calmly. "What did you do with Gourry?" "Hmm?" Xellos peered into the darkness. "Amelia-san, you may have thrown him out of this plane."

"Really?" She breathed, looking at her hands. She was really underestimating her strength these days. "Xellos." Lina spoke. "I didn't forget Lina-san." He replied. "Minna-san! Please." Filia sobbed. The three remaining slayers gave her apologetic looks. "Good luck, Filia-san." Amelia whispered. Zelgadis felt sorry for Filia. He recalled the few times Xellos had hit on him, andshuddered. "No. Please, no." She pleaded as they faded into the darkness surrounding them. _"Minna-san!"_ Filia screamed.

Subsequently, Lina's eyes adjusted to the sudden light. Gourry sat next to her, stuffing his face. Amelia, in her usual spot across from Zelgadis, talking and eating while he drank his coffee, pretending not to listen. Lina's gaze swung from her plate to her companions. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something about this scene was very wrong. Lina kept seeing the same restaurant reduced to ashes, agreeing to play a game with Xellos and woman's under wear falling from the sky. _Lots_ of women's underwear.

"Ne, Amelia," She said. The princess turned to her. "Yes?" "I blew this place up, didn't?" Amelia frowned. "No…I don't…think so…" She said slowly. Lina tapped her chin, drifting off in thought. "I'm sure I did. Gourry made a crack about my bust," Zelgadis's grip tightened on his cup.

"We _just_ sat down for lunch." He stated, more to himself than Lina. "Really?" She asked. "Because I remember Xellos doing some really weird things…" Slowly, Gourry, Amelia and Zelgadis turned to a confused Lina. "What? What did I say?" Amelia glanced at Zelgadis, both of their faces, bright red. Gourry tugged at his clothes, relieved to find them safely on. "Amelia?" Lina nudged the younger girl, who turned, tears running down her cheeks.

"Lina-san, I think-I think-" Zelgadis's nose started to bleed. _"I think I did something perverted to Zelgadis-san!"_ Amelia screeched. "Eh?" "Zel?" Gourry stared at the chimera with wide eyes. "I-" "I'm sorry!" Amelia sobbed. Zelgadis coughed in an effort to retain what dignity he had left. Instantly the events of the afternoon came back to him. No doubt the other three remembered as well.

"Amelia," Zelgadis said, napkins wadded up his nose. "It was Lina's fault." The princess's sobs broke off, and she, Gourry and Zel glared at Lina. She laughed nervously. "Haha…sorry?" "Sorry" wasn't going to help the chimera when Prince Phil heard what happened to his precious daughter. "_Lina-san_, how could you do this to us?" Amelia admonished. "Did _you_ want to pay for the damages to that place?" Lina asked defensively. _"You're the one who ruined it!"_ Zelgadis and Gourry cried. That was true, but in Lina Inverse's mind, she was justified because jellyfish Gourry provoked her. "Lina, what if Xellos comes back and wants to finish his _game_?" The swordsman asked in a small voice.

The four slayers looked at one another. They wouldn't put it past the mazoku. Amelia burst into tears. _"I want my daddy!"_ _"Jellyfish brain!"_ Lina screeched, grabbing Gourry's shirt and shaking the larger man with strength only the red-haired sorceress possessed. "You are not allowed to mention that _ever_ again!" _"Daddy!"_ Zelgadis comforted Amelia the best he could, patting her shoulder, and sighing. He wondered what Xellos had done with Martina and Filia…. _"Filia!"_ Zelgadis gasped. "Wa-what's wrong Zel-Zelgadis-sa-san?" Amelia blubbered. "Filia." He stated. "Do you think we should trust Xellos alone with her?" "Of course!" Lina said, waving off his worry. "She knows how to handle Xellos."

* * *

In the Astral Plane however, Filia was desperately trying to think of a way to escape since Lina-san had abandoned her. Who knew what the namagomi had planned now they were alone. He took a step toward Filia and she instantly put a hand up. "Stay away." Xellos's smile brightened. "Filia-san, I promise. You don't have to wear the teddy." She blinked. "I don't?" He shook his head. "You don't have to wear anything like that." _"Really?"_ Filia asked hopefully. The sudden surge of emotion made him queasy, but Xellos shook it off. 

Filia had taken the bait so easily, and she was just so much fun to tease. "In fact, you don't have to wear anything at all." He answered, and Filia's face fell. The sudden shift in her emotions was something the mazoku would forever remember. _"I win."_ Xellos sang to himself. "Namagomi…" She growled, reaching under her skirt for her mace. "I'm sorry Filia-san," He caught Filia's hand, trapping it against her inner thigh. "I'm not quite _that_ masochistic." _"Pervert!"_ She screamed, using her free hand to slap Xellos over the head.

His smile faded. "Filia-san," _"Namagomi!"_ Slap. _"Lush!"_ Another slap. _"Dirty-minded-"_ A moan interrupted Filia's tirade. She stared at Xellos. He had his head snuggled between her breasts and looked very pleased with himself. "What do you think your do-" She stiffened. The hand beneath her skirt was very slowly stroking her thigh. Filia's face flamed. _"Stop it!"_ She hissed. _"Xellos!"_ Her embarrassment always tasted so nice. Xellos thought to himself, using his free hand to undo Filia's skirt. Not as good as her _fear_, but enjoyable nonetheless.

Filia was in a quandary. The mazoku's gentle caress hadn't stopped and was now climbing higher up her thigh. She squirmed in an attempt to get the horny mazoku off, and whimpered when he tightened his hold. "Ne, _Filia-san_," Xellos began. "Wouldn'tthis be more fun somewhere…_private_?" He had so many delicious things planned for his pet dragon. _"No!"_ His smile faltered. Well if his dragon wanted to play hard to get, then Xellos had other ways of getting her where he wanted. "All right." Xellos agreed, dropping his hands and stepping away.

Filia stared. "I have a proposition for you," He began. "I am _not_ a call girl." She snapped. Xellos paused. That brought up a nice little fantasy he had involving a delectable little maid uniform he'd picked up in Saillune. Xellos shook his head. There was time enough for fantasies afterward.

"We'll play a game." Xellos said cheerfully. Filia narrowed her eyes. "What _kind_ of game?" She asked. " A guessing game. We'll take turns thinking of something," He explained. "We can ask questions, and give each other clues," "And?" Filia demanded. "If I guess right _you_ have to take off a piece of clothing." Xellos said. "And if _I_ guess right, _you_ have to take off a piece of clothing." Filia regarded him warily. Xellos wasn't called "trickster" for no reason. She didn't trust him or this new "game", but if it got her away from him, Filia was willing to try anything. "So if I win, you send me home?" Xellos nodded. "If you win?" She asked.

His eyes slid open. "I get to have _you_." He watched his dragon as the emotions washed across her face. First there was fear, repulsion, a brief flash of desire and finally determination. Xellos sighed inwardly. It was pathetic going through such hoops to have one little dragon. He made a mental note not to go so long without getting laid next time. "_I'm_ going first." Filia stated haughtily. "Of course, Filia-san." Xellos murmured.

Her brow wrinkled in thought and after a moment she nodded. "Got it." The mazoku fairly hummed with anticipation. "Eager to get me out of my clothes?" "Shove it, Namagomi." She grumbled. "Anywhere you'd like, Filia-san." Xellos answered. _"Just ask your questions!"_ The dragoness ordered, turning red. _Yes ma'am._ He thought, but he intended to have some fun with her as well.

Xellos's staff materialized and he used it for leverage to lean forward and leer at Filia. _Bring it on, namagomi._ She thought. "Is it a thing?" He asked. "Yes." "What color is it?" Filia frowned. "It can be any color." "Hmm…" Xellos thought aloud. She was about snap at him when the staff caught her attention. A lavender gloved hand carefully stroked the staff up and down. Filia gulped, swiftly turning her face away.

She wouldn't allow Xellos to get to her. "Is it pottery?" He suggested. Filia scowled. "Yes. How did you know?" "Lucky guess." Xellos beamed. "Now remember-" _"I remember!"_ Red with embarrassment and indignation, Filia removed her blouse. Xellos was disappointed to see she wore a white camisole underneath. "Your turn." She said, smirking. He was _still_ stroking the staff. Filia shifted uncomfortably. "I'm thinking of a person…" Xellos said.

Hence so, their "game" continued. "Is it a dog?" Filia asked through clenched teeth. "No. Try again." Xellos replied. Filia didn't know how much time had passed but after several rounds she was stripped down to her camisole and panties, while Xellos had given up his gloves, boots and cape. He was still stroking that damn staff of his, and there was an unwanted heat in the pit of her stomach that was steadily growing stronger.

"Does it even _have_ fur?" Filia demanded, racking her brain for an answer. The namagomi mazoku really had her stumped this time. "You're not giving up are you, Filia-san?" Xellos asked slyly. He hadn't missed the effect his actions were having on the dragoness. _"No!"_ She yelled. "I refuse to lose to you!" Filia glared at him. "I'm going to win."

Secretly Xellos was rooting for her. Although he reveled in the thought of dominating his golden dragon, letting her dominate _him_ was just as appealing. _"Does it have fur?"_ Filia repeated. "No." It was tempting to answer with his trademark phrase, but he managed to resist. Sighing, Filia ran a hand through her hair. "Feathers?" Why wouldn't he stop stroking that damn staff? "Yes." Xellos answered happily. "Is it Val?" She asked dully. "Good job, Filia-san!" He set aside his staff, contemplating which piece of clothing to remove. Filia watched, licking her lips. She wondered what he looked like underneath the clothes. _What am I thinking? This is Xellos! I do not want him. I am not attracted to a namagomi like him!_

"Filia-san," Xellos's voice broke through her thoughts. "Its your turn." He purred. _Oh no._ Filia bit her lip. He had taken off his shirt, and she couldn't stop herself from admiring his chest. "I-" Xellos sidled up next to her, wrapping an arm around her. "Need a little help?" He asked. Filia let a small moan slip past her lips. "Filia-san…" "I'm…I'm thinking of a thing." She stammered, trying to keep herself under control. "Is it a body part?" Xellos nudged the strap of Filia's camisole down and began lightly kissing her shoulder.

She squirmed. "No." "Is it something here?" "No…" The mazoku had the camisole completely off Filia, and was now softly tracing the outline of one breast. Somewhere within the haze settling over her mind, Filia decided two could play _this_ game. She gripped his staff and repeated what Xellos had been doing earlier. "Think _harder_, mazoku."

Inwardly Xellos jumped for joy. He knew deep down Filia wasn't as repressed as she appeared. He was definitely going to think about incorporating mace-sama in any and all future activities. _"Xellos…."_ Filia said sweetly. The sudden lightening of her emotions made him wince. "Anymore guesses?" Yes, quite a few actually, the mazoku thought, unable to take his eyes away from his staff.

"Is it a bed?" Xellos asked, moaning when Filia ground her hips into the mazoku's crotch. "_A bed?_ Xellos, whatthe hell are you talking about?" He froze. _"Xellos?"_ He glanced behind him at a very irate Filia Ul Copt. "Filia-san…how?" "_What_ are you doing?" She had been standing for Cepheid knew how long, watching Xellos molest a doll with long blonde hair. "If you're there…who?" Xellos looked at the "Filia" in his arms.

A blow-up doll smiled back at him. It had Filia's long blonde hair, and a stuffed gold tail glued to its backside. How did he mistake the_ doll_ for his pet dragon? "Xellos?" The real Filia asked. There was a note pinned to the doll's bra. "Hmm?" Xellos pulled it off and read:

______

Xellos,

Enjoyed the show. Stop playing with your "toys" and get your ass back here. Now.

- Z. Metallium

"Zelas-sama…." "Xellos, what are you doing?" Filia demanded coming up beside the shocked mazoku. _"Nothing!"_ He exclaimed, shoving the blow-up doll behind his back. "What is that?" "Nothing." Xellos said hastily. "You know it isn't nice to pry, Filia-san." "Just show me what it is." She ordered. "No." _"Now!"_ Filia was getting annoyed, and Xellos let himself enjoy the taste.

He was too distracted to notice her grabbing the doll from him. _"Na…ma…go...mi…"_ Xellos snapped to attention. Filia held the doll and its fake tail aloft. "Just-just a joke, Filia-san." He explained. A joke Xellos was ready to get down and dirty with. "I see." The dragoness said at last. She tossed the doll away, and slowly advanced on the trickster priest. "I realize that no amount of _physical_ force I inflict upon you will hurt," Filia remarked.

An unfamiliar sense of dread filled him. It unnerved him that despite the situation, Filia hadn't lost her temper. "So I think we'll try something _much_, _much_ better." "Filia-san?" Xellos asked tentatively. She smiled. It was an expression similar to Amelia's right before the princess began one of her speeches about justice. Filia turned to the empty, lingerie-laden stage, hands clasped to her chest.

Xellos's eyes flew open. She wouldn't, _she couldn't_. Filia wasn't that sadistic. She took a deep breath and proclaimed: _"Life is wonderful!"_ Xellos winced. _"I'm so happy to be alive!"_ Filia gushed, joy rolling off of her in waves. He turned green. She whirled around to face him, smirking. Despite the pain, it made Xellos proud. _"Aren't you happy too, Xellos-chan?"_ "Filia-san," He smiled painfully. "You can stop now." "Oh, but _Xellos-chan_," She protested.

"I want to let the whole _world_ know how_ happy_ I am." He really was one sick bastard, Xellos decided. Even while Filia took out her vengeance in such a way, she still turned him on. "Isn't life wonderful, Xellos-san?" She asked. The sound of vomiting answered. "My, my." Filia stated. "I'm feeling much better," Xellos groaned. "So there's really only one thing left to say." He swallowed nervously.

Mace-sama appeared in her hands. An audible sigh of relief was heard from the mazoku seconds before the mace sent him flying across the stage. _"Pervert!"_ Whack. _"Disgusting!"_ Whack. _"Depraved!"_ Whack. _"NAMAGOMI!"_ Crashes, and indignant screams echoed across the demolished stage. "Hmph." Calmly, Filia tucked mace-sama safely back under her skirt, wondering which way took her back to the real world. "Baka namagomi." She muttered, disappearing into the darkness. Long after Filia had gone, a battered, shaking hand emerged from one of the craters. Xellos slowly sat up, looking thoroughly beat. "I forgot their prizes!" He gasped and fell backward.

* * *

In a small café nestled away from any large city, a tiny red-haired woman and a tall, blonde man ate their way through a small feast. Seated a few tables away a smiling, purple-haired man watched, sipping a cup of tea. A fight broke out between the man and woman over the last plate of dessert. "Its mine!" "You got it last time!" "Let go, Gourry!" "I keep telling you, Lina! Its not gonna help your breasts get bigger!" The purple-haired man beamed as the redhead smashed the blonde over the head with a large platter. "Say that again, Gourry?" She challenged. "You're perfect…just the way you are." Came the strained reply. The redhead smiled as she devoured the sweet. Xellos set his cup aside and approached the pair. 

"Hello." He said cheerfully. The man and woman looked up sharply. The blonde's blue eyes were wide and scared. The redhead's were narrowed, regarding Xellos warily. "We're not playing anymore _games_ with you." Lina Inverse announced. She hadn't forgiven the trickster priest for asking about her bust size. "No, no." He chuckled. "I came to give you and Gourry-san your prizes."

"Prizes?" Gourry asked. Xellos nodded. "Prizes." Lina stated cynically. She glanced at Gourry. "What did we win?" "Sore wa himitsu desu." Xellos replied, handing them two prettily wrapped boxes. "I specifically thought of Lina-san and Gourry-san when I…_made_ them." "Thanks." Lina murmured. Gourry shook his prize. "Well, I must give Zelgadis-san and Amelia-san their prizes."

With that said Xellos walked off, whistling. Lina and Gourry glanced at one another. "What do you think he gave us?" The swordsman asked. "I don't know." Lina confessed. It was better to open the gifts and see what kind of horrors lie inside. Gourry opened his prize and found a thick folder addressed to him. Lina found one similar in her prize. "Xellos, what the heck?" Lina thought aloud, opening the folder. Out of it fell half a dozen photographs. She picked one up and blushed redder than her hair.

All of the pictures were of Gourry naked. She dropped them with a squeak, swinging her gaze to her companion. Gourry stared at the photos in his hand, unmoving. "Gourry?" Lina leaned across his arm for a better l_______ook_. In the swordsman's hand were photos of Lina; similar to the ones she had of him.

Miles away, Xellos heard the scream and smiled. He hoped Zelgadis-san and Amelia-san enjoyed their prizes. He had worked so hard finding things that would suit each slayer. After all, he owed them for being such excellent playthings over the last few years. Xellos would make sure they all got to play together again soon. When Zelgadis-san and Amelia-san had their prizes, he was going shopping.

Xellos had to find the _perfect_ gift for his pet dragon. Something they both could enjoy. Maybe some handcuffs and a whip. "Yes," He murmured. A whip was perfect. Let the silly dragon think she had him under control, and Xellos would have the chance to act out any and every fantasy he'd ever had about the dragoness. They could make a game out of it!

* * *

_Words can't express how happy I am that this story is finally done. I am so sorry for the really long delay, but the past two years have been the hardest I have ever had to face. All I can say is thank-you for reading and thank-you for your reviews.  
_________

- Unearthly Emperor


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